For my own experience…my search didn’t begin with my parents initiating that conversation. However, I always knew that was an option open to me & they’d be supportive. They never pushed and I am glad they didn’t. I think I would have felt strange and uncomfortable if they kept bring up that possibility. As you might have read…this year I finally did decide to conduct a search, but I’m in my thirties. It took me a LONG time to come to that decision and it wasn’t easy. I personally view my adoptive parents as my parents and it has taken me a while to sort of wrap my brain around the idea that I have this other mother that for whatever reason couldn’t/didn’t want me. I…personally have appreciated the space my parents have given me in allowing me to decide when/what/and if I even wanted to do a search.

Margie asks:

My children are both from Korea and are now teens.  Our son is in college and our daughter is a senior in high school.  We have a close and open relationship is very open, so discussions of first family, search, and reunion have always been a part of our family.  My husband and I have encouraged our kids to search, have found one of our children’s mothers, although contact has been rejected at this time.  One of our children, however, has had no interest in search, and has been resistant to encouragement.  My question is this:  Do you believe that adoptive parents should step entirely away from the subject of search when their children reach adulthood, or should we continue to bring it up in discussion from time to time?  I worry that if we stop talking about our children’s first families with them that they might think we no longer support them in search.  On the other hand, I worry that voicing our opinions might be an intrusion.  Thanks in advance for your thoughts on this.