In my opinion…I believe it should be up to your daughter to ultimately decide on what type of relationship she would like to have with her birth mother. I totally understand that you want to do everything possible in order to facilitate that at some point, but I would apply caution to the degree you go about trying to make any contact with her birth mother. I agree with Juli that leaving a letter in her file is fine, but to go above that I don’t know.

Looking back to when I was younger…if I would have had contact with my birth mother it would have been too confusing for me & personally I am glad I didn’t. I don’t really recall ever wanting to search for my birth mother when I was young. For example, I have a friend that had constant contact with her birth mother while she was growing up here in the U.S. To say it was stressful is a major understatement. She was constantly feeling bad about the comforts she had & her life here in the U.S., had feelings of not being loyal to her adopted family & when she would talk to two of her siblings living back in Korea she would always end up crying & stressed out. She had this sense of being pulled in two directions, but didn’t know what to do. I’m only relating one person’s experience and I have heard of others where it’s the total opposite, but I know for myself it would have been really confusing to have had contact with my birth mother until I was ready & even now I’m not sure I am.

However, I recently conducted a search for my birth mother & I’ve waited until I was in my 30’s to do it. It wasn’t so much to find her, but to see if I had any siblings. I still have mixed feelings about finding my birth mother. I totally agree with Juli that it should be a personal/natural progression for your child. I waited to make sure I can deal with all the possible outcomes & even at that it’s a constant up & down in terms of my feelings about this issue.