I’m sorry this is late! Classes start next week, so I’ve been very busy at work, plus organizing meetings and retreats!

Anyway, in response: I don’t really have much to add. I think that as we’ve said before, this is a journey. And everyone’s experience is different. It can’t be forced, and in particular, it is not your place as parent to push anyone. If they approach you, you can be a facilitator, but until then, keep your distance and respect their process.

I know that for me personally, the first thing everyone asks me is do I want to search. My whole life, as long as I can remember, even as a very young child – everyone asked, did I want to find my birth mother. And of course, they never wanted my real answer, which is as long, complicated and emotional as the process itself. They just wanted to hear: “No, these are my only/real/true parents, and that’s all I’ll ever need, blah blah blah.” Or something equally…misguided. So for much of my youth, I wanted nothing to do with the question of searching, because if I actually thought about it, I might actually have to give someone a straight answer. And I might not be ready for that.

I still don’t know whether or not I’ll ever do it. Lately, I’ve been getting curious, mostly about half-siblings, but I still have more concerns, fears and anxieties than I do curiosity. It may happen some day, but it also may not. It’s not a question of being “ready” for the search, so much as whether or not searching is “right” for me. I don’t think the final goal is a search. It doesn’t mean you’re any more “advanced” than adoptees who choose not to search. So, don’t sit around waiting for your kids to want to search. It may never happen – and that’s totally fine