Thanks for asking this question – I think, for me, I really just need to clarify my earlier post. I do think it’s important that you do what you can on your end to facilitate a search for your child. You’re right – in 30 years it may prove very complicated. That may be just contact with the birth mother / family via a phone number. However, it could also mean becoming friendly with them on your own. And, by keeping the dialogue open with your child, you will be ready to help open doors. Of course, if you do develop a relationship with your child’s birth family it’s important that your child knows a little about this.

With regard to the domestic versus international adoptions: I believe that if, and that’s a big if, adoptions must be – then domestic is better than international. Of course there are a lot of pros and cons to each. However, a lot of the issues surrounding culture and identity with regard to international, transracial adoptions are minimized with domestic adoptions (transracial or not). I don’t know if they’re emotionally easier, but certainly the idea of searching, keeping your mother tongue (most of the time) and  understanding cultural backgrounds are easier to some extent. Adopting regionally helps keep another important human right – the right to know and live in the area of your birth. And as an added bonus for both of you, there also tends to be less “isn’t (s)he so lucky” and “how much did (s)he cost” sorts of comments, which is always a positive.

Here in Canada, most people adopt internationally because it’s faster and there’s more likelihood of getting an infant or toddler rather than by domestic adoptions where the wait is longer and the children older with more “problems”, not to mention image, trends, and the no less misguided need to feel like a humanitarian.

Domestic adoptions in Canada are a provincial / territorial responsibility and even further broken up into regions. So this obviously raises a lot of bureaucratic and organizational problems. It’s my understanding there is a lack of severe communication between regions making the process long and full of headaches and heartaches. That’s a major issue that needs to be addressed.

And while I can understand an Aparent’s desire to adopt an infant or very young child, it doesn’t mean that the adoption will be a smooth, happily ever after experience. Many adoptees have attachment and emotional issues, for example,  even when adopted as an infant. And not all older adoptees will be “delinquents” either. It’s a gamble we take no matter how you choose to become a parent – whether by giving birth, sperm donor, or domestic or international adoption. The most important thing is to have resources at your fingertips and a support system for all of you.