I think it’s admirable and brave of you to want your daughter to have an open relationship with her birth mother. Many aparents can’t fathom such a move. It takes a lot of guts. I like your idea of leaving a letter and perhaps keeping your information as updated as possible with various organizations over the years so that your daughter and her birth mother can search when they’re ready. I don’t think it’s your place to push anything here. It’s really not up to you. As difficult as it may seem, it really is your daughter’s choice even if she waits until she’s in her 30s – which does seem to be when a lot of adoptees begin to search if at all.

For me, looking back…sure, I would have loved a relationship with my birth mother, but that’s in hindsight only. But then again, I probably would chose not to have been adopted, either, but that is just one thing in life we have no control over. I think at the time, it would have been very confusing – but ultimately very rewarding. This is a question I get constantly – “Do you know your real mother? Do you ever want to find your real mother” etc. Well, sure, I’d love to know my birth family, but each day gets easier for me to accept that this is possibly an unsurmountable task and I guess I’d rather learn to accept that and be happy in the life that I have rather than set myself up for huge disappointment.

That said, this is how I feel today. Tomorrow may very well be a completely story, especially as my “birth day” nears I have a great sense of loss and many questions that I’d love to air with my birth mother. Of course, then again, I think it’s better just to let my imagination rule my reality with this.

And all that is precisely why this has to be a decision for your daughter.