First, let me apologize for taking so long to respond. It’s been a very busy month.
I wish I could give you a straightforward answer to this question, but it’s so difficult. We’re all different and how we respond to these situations – externally and internally – is also very unique. As a child, whenever I got hit with this type of question or comment, I generally gave some answer my parents and siblings helped me with. Honestly, I didn’t always understand what exactly it was I was saying or why, but I can tell you that each time I was asked about why I was different – why I didn’t have the same skin colour as my parents or my siblings; where did I come from; who are my real parents blah blah blah ad nauseam… I felt like my entire soul had shattered. I walked away with my head held as high as possible, but inside my jello legs could barely carry me somewhere I felt safe.
Your child needs to be shown by example how to respond. When you stand up for your child, she will learn to stand up for herself and feel empowered. She should also know it’s OK not to respond to these stupid questions. There is never an obligation to respond to these types of questions. Even as an adult, I get this all of the time – where are you from orginally; do you speak Vietnamese; do you have any family in Vietnam; do you want to try to find them etc. and I often answer each question as honestly and openly as possible and I feel good about it. However, there are days when I answer as I always do and feel later that I shouldn’t have. Their ’simple’ questions are emotionally draining for me. I have to learn to take my own advice and walk away – figuratively or literally – when I don’t feel up to talking about it.
In closing, I think it’s vital to inform the person – child or adult – that their question is not appropriate and is not acceptable whether or not you decide to answer them. How do we do this? I guess we can just say something like “that question is in appropriate” or “that’s private” or “I don’t care to discuss it right now” or even respond by asking them something just as personal to make a point. So, yes… I think the most important thing is to be able to recognize within yourself and by taking cues from your child when you want to share and when you need to walk away.
