The question of names is a good one. I believe that what my parents did, along with many others, is the right choice. My middle name is a Vietnamese name while my first name reflects my afamily / region. However, it is definitely one of those things I battled growing up – and to this day, really. It is a constant source of explaining. “You don’t look like a Heather”, “I always thought your name was the funniest thing” etc. get a little tiresome after a while I must admit. But then, would a Vietnamese name in a white family also have been funny? Most definitely.
So, while my middle name is Vietnamese it is also a family name, which doesn’t give me the option of a first name, and that is a little disappointing.
In summary, I think the best thing you can do is offer your child a choice. Give them two names to represent their two cultures and that way they can choose which is most appropriate at various times in their lives without making legal changes.
As for question #2, it really is close to impossible for me to give an answer here. I think adoption is difficult no matter what the situation or geographic location. In my situation, though I don’t agree with international adoption, I am sure that staying in post war Viet Nam wouldn’t have been a positive experience for me. I am mixed race and the country’s orphans didn’t fare well. Perhaps had I been adopted into a family there it would have been different, but children of my circumstance were called “the dust of life” and as such were no better than the filth one finds on the bottom of one’s shoe. But given different circumstances, I think it is always better to stay and be part of one’s own history and culture and language – all things that were stripped from me.
